Israel update

My trip is now halfway complete. I have seen the major sites in Israel - hiked the Galilee, Golan Heights, seen Safed (Kabbalah community), Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, hiked the Masada, swam in the Dead Sea and Red Sea, slept in a Bedouin tent, ate at a Druze family's home, had a long talk with an Arab Israeli bartender, and of cours, met the inimitable Raccoon. (I swear I was not drunk!) I cried at the Western Wall, and at Yad Vashem. Actually, there were many tears. I am sure there will be more tears. What do I think? Words cannot describe. I am very emotional writing this right now. One thing I really am struck by is how lucky I am to be alive, and how lucky the Jewish people are to exist. The state of Israel is in many ways a miracle. When my grandma was in the Holocaust, she would have laughed at the thought that somehow Israel would exist in such a short while. And yet it does. I was also amazed at the opinions of the staff members of the Birthright trip - most seemed to belong to the Labor party. Identity politics are certainly a major issue. But more than anything else, I am feeling so emotional right now because I feel like I am sorting out all the inner crap that my mind goes through. Who am I? Why am I? Why do I do what I do? I am such a passionate person - I often act with my instincts. Sometimes my instincts are right, and sometimes they are wrong. I realized during this trip that perhaps my passion is part of the problem - it is unfocused - I go in 20 directions at once, without doing anything. But I do have specific passions. I see, with this trip, that I love Jews and Judaism irrespective of antisemitism. There is really a family amongst Jewry that exists across the world. But sometimes families fight. And sometimes families turn their back upon one another. Sometimes they even, as horrifying as it is, kill each other. But it still is, more than anything else, a family. Islamofascism, can it be defeated? I don't know. All I know is I have to work on myself. I have to be the best person I can be and try to learn as much as I can about myself, my family, and the world in general. Only then can I even hope to effect positive change in the world. I feel that so strongly right now. And somehow, thinking this, recognizing this, I feel some of the anger at those who hate me slipping away. Will there be people who hate me because I exist as a Jew? Absolutely yes. Will I ever be able to change this? Absolutely no. But can I make some small changes in the world, bit by bit, chipping away at the hate wherever possible? Absolutely yes. And I think, recognizing this, it becomes clear that I was misdirecting my efforts for a long time. I feel so many emotions in my heart, but more than anything else, I feel joy. I am joyful that, be it the atomic superparticles that collapsed the universe, or some unknowable God, somehow I was created, and humanity was created, and that is so beautiful. Breathtaking. There will always be horrors in the world. There will always be genocide in every generation. But there also will be goodness, kindness, and love. And perhaps it's not possible to take one without the other. Perhaps it is all part of the crazy, seemingly incomprehensible world that we live in, and the only way to exist and not go mad is to focus on what each individual can change in their own lives to shine just that little candle of light into the unfathomable darkness. I will be in Israel a week longer, and I cannot even imagine what I will be thinking then. All the best, Red Tulips